I've been up and down the last few days - feeling elated and defeated at the same time. It's been kind of ridiculous and interestingly amusing. I feel like I'm falling into the abyss they call depression but I slowly fighting - holding on to that rope a little longer. I moved in today - an event on its own. There were people that were unhappy, tired or frustrated. My room is a mess and the bathroom can not be described. I'm just not comfortable cuz I'm being hit on all sides by reality and I don't want to accept it. I don't want to remember that I'm going back to school, back to work that I seemily rejected last year. I'm afraid that I'll forget why school exists and fail. Fail. The act of falling to pieces. Something I'm very good at. But I'm going to try. I'm going to talk about my problems. Figure what I want to do because that darkness that I was feeling all of this morning and last night is going away by my own will and not somebody else's. I'm fighting my failure; I'm fighting my fears. I'll be one of the best students I can be and not my sister. Because this school accepted me on my own merits. I am worthy. I am going to get back in shape and be a newer me. Same person different outlook cuz I'm strong.
Problems:
I'm stuck in a shell that I can't seem to break. Though I think I've tried everything. I could blame it on a disease but I don't know. I just don't know anymore. I wish I could be somebody else so I don't have to deal. But I am going to ask for help. I'm not going to run. God did not put anyone on this earth to run.
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