So, this is my first post as a blogger. For those who need to know, this is an experiment of sorts. I've never been one to keep a journal or diary, always forgot about it once the excitement of keeping one ends. So I'm going to try my best to keep this going and go the nine yards. Therefore, if you are reading this, reminding me to write will be of great help.
Alright, it's my belief that I'm suppose to treat this like a journal so lets start.
The last couple of weeks have been eye openers. I started a job that I absolutely hate but some reason still working there. Oh yea, its for the paycheck that comes every two weeks. It's my first job or *summer* job thus I have a feeling this is some passage that I have to go through during my teen years. Now, as I revealed earlier it's really hard for me to keep things going. I'm more of a thinker than a taker. I can sit for hours going over plans in my head, taking tedious notes for the perfect moment but when that moment comes, I fail miserably.
I've already lost my orientation job because of this; though they've insured me a second job in the spring. I'll see how that works out. I wasn't even that sad when I lost it because in my head, I've already made another excuse for it so I can remove part of the blame for myself. Isn't that sad? So hopefully, this blog will help me see through my mistakes. Don't know if I'm asking for too much though.
As of right now, at this point in life, I feel that I can define myself as a failure because I have no desire for acquiring things. I want my name to be known - for it to be chanted but I have no drive to getting there. At school, I have to force myself to realize why I'm there and how I got there...
well still figuring that out. Can't quit because that will break my mother's heart and destroy my father and especially from seeing my brother situation - I can't quit. I need to finish. Need to get a degree and start life.
But Something is holding me back and I think it's rejection...let me mull over that til the next post.
Now a moment to brood.
